brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
