I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
