Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
