I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
