I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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