Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
