i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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