the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
