She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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