Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
