I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Watching her eat just hurts me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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