And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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