hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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