i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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