Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
