walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
