my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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