They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
