Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
