also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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