i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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