All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
