so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
