Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
