just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
