I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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