is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
