i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dick very happy bro
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
