Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
