I need help removing her.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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