haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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