I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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