I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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