This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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