We won't sleep together?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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