I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
