the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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