Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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