Nicole vs. Life
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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