you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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