The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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