I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
