So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
