Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
