I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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