She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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