You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
we should paint friendship bongs
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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