my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
