do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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