So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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