We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize