we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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