apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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