mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
