if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
