I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
