420 ftw
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
