I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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