hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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