Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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