im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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