Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
