yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
