I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
