either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
