My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
