Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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