i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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