I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
