mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
