I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
