i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
