I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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