I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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