Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
