Having a random hookup so left but love u
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
