tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
